Fester dumps a load

Despite a late start Johnny has been a regular contributer to the cause and has now surpassed many of the long term tourists with a very kind donation that puts some miserly gits to shame. Glad to see that someone is as keen as me.

Just wee beeds

Vickers gets into shape

The Cape Town Sharter is cutting down on the laundry bills and getting his flabby body into trim in preparation for his epic Tour de France. Lycra does not wash well and those shorts will be serverly tested before he pedals into Paris. Keep pumping ( those legs ) fatty. 

A Grand Slam 

Surely England are once again the best in the World ?? The omens are good, at least for the English. The last time they beat the Welsh in Cardiff was in 2003, they went on to win the Grand Slam and the World Cup. Names like Johnson, Wilkinson, Dawson, Vickery, Hill, Back, and Dilleg....Delligli.....Dallogeo.... Big Laurence simply role of the tongue. I'm not so convinced this time round. The class of 2011, Palmer ? Woods ? Corbisiero ? Moody ? Hape ? Sneezy ? and Doc? does not quite have the same ring to it. One thing is for sure, Vickers will be even more unbearably than usual if Scotland are turned over at Twickenham and then again in the World Cup. I suggest we club together to get him a separate flight and a hotel in mainland China. 

Christchurch Earthquake

Romours are rife that the Rugby World Cup may be shifted from New Zealand to either Australia or South Africa. The All Blacks were due to play in Christchurch, presuming they win their pool, and stay in the once luxurious George Hotel, but the danger of collapse and the attrocious state of the surrounding area has left their plans in tatters. One possible venue was rulled out when Durban's premier hotel the Riviera, offered to put the team up for free. After a quick tour of the facilities a New Zealand spokesman said " Struth, we'd be safer at home, and the smell of piss in nippin me eyes. The matresses in the street are cleaner than the ones in the rooms."  However all is not lost. the welsh have offered to swap venues with the New Zealanders should they emerge from Group D. Their spokesman said. " it's a home from home for us, and they do a great breakfast. "

Del Finds Archive Photos 

It took Del 14 years to get his 1995 Rugby World Cup Photos developed, and even then it was only his dads intervention that made that possible. 3 duplicate photo's and 2 double exposed spools were a bit of a disappointment, but he has unearthed a couple of wee gems since then and what a handsom bunch of youngsters we were. 1995 was the start of a touring party that has seen more changes than the palace guards. However despite the loss of some monumental tourists, the change in personnel has added to the party and I'm sure this tour will be a huge success. The class of 2012, travelling from UK and Ireland will be Anderson, MacFeate, Vickers, Coventry, Hogg, Russell, Sorensen and Ramage. Crear is still only 50/50 but we know how quickly that can change. Gray and Grainger will join us in Honkers. Brace yourself Hong Kong...

Beal gets the thumbs down

Rubbidge ... What else can I say. No pay, no play is the rule and I need to stick by it. Mark will drop to the reserve list but unless he stumps up cash before month end, we will not be requesting tickets for him.

Ramage Pays Up 

Unfortunately the day we were all dreading has finally arrived. Pedro has stumped up the cash and committed himself to the tour. At least there will be a few stories to tell your grandchildren.

Pedro Given the Message

Pedro gets given a reminder that he needs to commit to the cause. the wee man has a habit of non conforming and is never one to blend into the crowd. His past reputation is a stark warning to us all and despite Dave Coventry requesting that he remained traditional at his wedding, he forgot to mention that it was traditional Scottish and not traditional Pedro he was after. Ah well we learn by our mistakes. Who knows what Pedro will bring to the party in Hong Kong or how much of him will come home again ?

Viva Las Vegas 

Del gets ahead of himself "again" and is already plotting a 2014 visit to the Las Vegas 7's. Madness !! I hear you say, but this could be passed of as Gesty's 50th. It will take some considerable grovelling and I suggest we shelve the idea, at least until we get back from Hong Kong. But I have to admit......Vegas does sound good.....

Hands up who wants Russell

With the recent withdrawl of Sneds we have a dilema on our hands. Who will share a room with Sean ??? It was a no brainer when the other half of our very own Laurel and Hardy was going, but Johns absense leaves a huge void. His considerable pants will need to be filled by someone, any volunteers ? ( not you Richard, filling one pair of pants on tour is enough for anyone ). I had thought of Sean and Pedro together, taking the house of pain to a whole new level. But not even the Riviera Hotel in Durban would allow that combination. I certainly would not go there in honkers.  

Boss Hogg 

David "the Boss" Hogg confirms his participation. The big name dropping, show-off has offered to pay the lot in one lump sum, but insists he wants a room to himself. Suspicious of what he may get up to behind closed doors, I decided not to ask, but we are clearly not famous enough for him to cuddle up to in Hong Kong.   

Sneds Bows out

The humidity of Honkers takes its toll and Big John once again falls at the first. Despite showing a keen interest Sneds has decided to Give Hong Kong a miss. He says he's going to the Taj instead.

Cash Commitment 

In order to ensure we get the required ticket allocation for the tournament in Hong Kong I need £200 from each of you and your permission to spend it at short notice. Remember once you give permission, and I spend your money, I can't promise any refunds if you change your mind.  

Simon on the case

Simon gets his teeth into the plans and work begins on the official Tour Agenda. Simon will travel to Hong Kong in March and try to secure access to tickets and accommodation. In order to secure these I'll be looking for commitment from each of you.

Property market Sinks

There will be no weekends away for the Esplanade Desperados this year, after the wee Mexicans assets were washed away by global warming. There is always a danger when buying property at the waters edge, but Duck Flu was not one that any of us could have predicted.

Vickers gets on his bike !!

After Vickers cry for help and my tactless and very public attempt to soil his already tarnished reputation, it is worth mentioning that the Cape Town Sharter plans to get his collosal bulk into shape and cycle to Paris. You can sponsor him at...

www.justgiving.com/Richard-Vickers 

Change of Plans

Due to unforseen circumstances and a stray WWII torpedo, fishing is put on hold until further notice. The HMS Bad Boy has gone down in the treacherous waters of the Clyde and until the enquiry into it being scuttled  is over we will need to settle for fishing from the shore. Thankfully we still have the Castle by the Loch....

Gone Fishing

After the excesses of the festive period we need something to blow away the cobwebs, but our plans to get into shape have taken an unexpected twist. Due to our advancing years rigorous exersize is not an option for all of us. So the Greenock Posse has decided that Fishing is the activity for us, and thanks to Pedro's kind offer of the use of his boat and Castle by the Loch, we should be able to indulge our new found passion.

The Boys were back in town

Christmas cheer and good will to all men, my arse. Another classic case of over indulgance and Black Sambuca, refused entry and crawling home. Thankfully none of us remembers much about the later part of the evening. However socks will need to be pulled up ( thrombies in particular ) before Hong Kong. A shocking performance all round.

Santa

I hope the Fat German C*** was good to you all. Those of you who have had the misfortune to be a guest of the Beast at the Wanderers match dinner " Christmas 2009 " will know what I'm talking about. Those who have not, don't want to know.

Lexi 

Congratulations to Derek and Leigh on the birth of their daughter, Lexi Matilda Annie. The poor we thing not only had to open her eyes to see his face drooling over her, but has to come to terms with the fact that that is her dad.

Estimated Cost

In order to avoid any nasty surprises nearer the time, I have estimated what I think will be required to cover the tour essentials. I'm Guessing at £200 for a 3 day ticket, £500 for flights and another £500 for accommodation. On top of that you will need money for sweeties and icecream. The plan is to also have tour shirts etc, but we will not go daft. Not till we get there anyway

Money starts to flow 

Thanks to all those who have paid into the tour account, keep the donations coming. I'll keep you all informed prior to any spending. There are no refunds once your money is spent. So Don't even ask.

Sorensen Joins the Party

He's creepy and he's cooky and he's joining us in Hong Kong. Having previously toured with the Wanderers Johnny "Fester" Sorensen is not a totally unknown quantity and confirms his attendance for the 2012 Tour. Welcome on board Johnny. 

 Hogg ing the headlines 

Davie Hogg becomes the tours biggest show off with a shameless display of name dropping that can't go unpunished. That said he takes the crown from Simon who's 2009 exploitation of his children at the hands of Bob Skinstadt was the talk of the Orient, even amoung the child labour camps of Nike and Reebok. In true regimental tradition the challenge has been laid down to all tourists to out do " the Boss " and see who you can have your picture taken with. The bigger the personality the more Brownie points and inflated your status will be to us mear mortals. Derek pictures of you on your own or looking in a mirror, don't count. We all know that you are the most important, best looking and most famous person in your world but the rest of us live on planet earth. 

Send in your Celebrity photo's  

Holy Trainers

Seems Pope Benedict XVI was over the moon with his visit to Scotland. The Oldyin thought he would take advantage of the moment and get the smelly old Lacostes "exorcised" but his holiness miss heard him and accepted them as a gift. ' they'll go perfectly with my cassock ' he said. Silly old duffer now has smelly shoes to go with his dirty habits. 

BBB Spotted 

Thankfully, it seems that Mark Beal has not been kidnapped, nor is he suffering from agrophobia, unable to leave his house. It appears that he is still in circulation and was recently spotted supporting his local team down Billericay way. It would be nice if the hairy one would get in touch and stump up some cash.

Room mate from hell

Okay I will admit that the thought of a warm humid night in Hong Kong is made considerably worse when sharing with big Sandy. Imagine staggering into your room pished and being faced with this vision. Gadz.......

Don't let me down Peachy.

With the tour party close to being finalised I've started to look at who will share a room with who. Obviously Pedro will be the short straw and no one really deserves that. But what about these two. Vickers and the Duke could be a deadly duo. After the horrors of the gym in Cape Town, sharing a room with a man who spends hours in the bathroom just looking at himself, while using the entire hot water supply of the city could be a step too far for Richard.

Pednocchio

Is he at it again ? Only time will tell, but to date only a deposit has been paid. Come the 20th of the month I'll know for sure if he is committed, or should be committed. I know where my money is !!! That said he does bring a unique brand of nonsense to any tour and I'm sure this will be no exception. As for a room mate........ I'll be fixing the draw, so if you want to be exempt from that nightmare you'll need to cross my palm with a lot more than silver.

Where's Beali ??

Big Bum Beali is still A.W.O.L. and time is running out for the hairy handed one. Having missed the Lions Tour Beali is in danger of now missing Hong Kong as well. For a communications manager his email skills leave a lot to be desired. Come on Mark !! in or out ?

Coventry is well up for it

New boy Dave Coventry is putting some of our more seasoned campaigners to shame. Not only was he one of the first to contribute to the tour account but he clearly reads the emails and has logged on to the website. Something I would urge you all to do from time to time. The potential tour outfit has been posted for some time and although not finalised yet we have more or less settled on the look we want for Hong Kong. Dave to his credit has indicated his interest in a Pith Helmit to ensure he is part of the team and for that I salute him. 

Crocodile Crear

Crocodile Crear has finally joined the party and has decided to extend his tour to Hong Kong by heading down under for some R and R in the outback. " Tie your kangaroos down sport" the big mans on his way.

Badge of honour

In order to recognise those who have toured in the past a system of Merit Badges will be awarded a la World Cup winners stars. A star for each Tour already attended. Anderson, Crear, MacFeate will be earning their 3rd star. Gray, Vickers, Beal, Sneddon and Ramage their 2nd star. Coventry, Sorensen, Hogg, Russell and Grainger their 1st star

Another fine mess we're getting ourselves into.

Sean Russell. Why us? I’m getting worried that Sean is too keen. He was first to pay his deposit and is now over paying by way of direct debit. This can only mean one thing, he’s in a frenzied state that will come to the boil around March 2012. We will be drawing straws to see who will room with him, a fate worse than death. I had
thought about using the enforcer for this task, but it is such an undertaking that the only option is to hold an open draw. Who will draw the short straw ? Brace yourselves lads.

El Loco Joind the Party

The wee Mexican has given me a bit of a headache. I had all sorts of horrible things lined up to abuse him about, but he’s only gone and paid his deposit. He certainly adds a little something to any tour, but this time round his speedo’s are banned, so that should solve that problem. His room mate should be aware that he likes to juggle
with heavy furniture these days with catastrophic results. We do not have a travelling Doctor and the regiment rules say we never leave a man behind, but this time I am prepared to make an exception. You have been warned Rambo…..

Go Compare 

Sneds is another who is undecided. Is it no, no, no, yes, or yes, yes, yes, no ?
Still unable to commit himself one way or another John needs to “ Go Compare “ the
prices and weigh up his options. Time is marching on and the longer he delays the
less likely it is he will be joining us. The books remain open until March 2011 but
I’d advise everyone to pay early to avoid disappointment.

Lucan for Beali 

Beal goes AWOL. Once again Big Bum Beal has done a Lucan and disappeared from the face of the earth. This is not unexpected as he has history, but we don’t tour until March 2012 and I’m not sure he can stay away that long. Clearly Ford have got the ideal candidate for their World Wide Communications Manager. Come on Beali get the finger out and start communicating. Are you in or out ?

Tour Logo - the Devils Ride Again

The Logo will be printed on the pocket of the Blazer and . It continues the Devils in Skirts theme of South Africa and although the kilt is not a mandatory item this time round it should be considered as an option. Simon, again, I will be calling on your services to produce top quality merchandise at reasonable Prices but we can wait until we have final numbers before placing any orders. Check it out here.

Perky in Pinky. Ohh..  Suites you !!

The question on everyone’s lips is “ Will Hogg wear pink ? “ Cambie is worried that
his manhood will be compromised, he clearly hasn’t been introduced to his room
mate yet. Oh yes, that’s another concern. The big fruit does not do the sharing thing. So what exactly does he get up to in his room at night ? Don’t even think about it, I’ve been having nightmares for weeks, the mind boggles.

Tour Kit

After a number of aborted ideas we have come up with the following. Or rather Del has. The Duke has always wanted a pink tour shirt and as it’s his party it seems only right that he gets his wish this time round. Those who were on the Lions tour will recognise the pith helmet and will be expected to bring it along, as for the rest of you I can supply them and a easonable price. I’ll also work with Simon and Richard on the rest of the kit over the coming months. It’s very top pocket, but then, that’s the kind of guy’s we are. Check out the full kit here.

Burgandy out Fu Manchu in 

Ron Burgandy has gone and Fu Manchu sits in his chair. The tour account is up and running and Hong Kong awaits. “ The world shall hear from us again “

Extension to the Tour

With the news that Sandy is extending his tour I would like to propose an extension for the rest of us. I for one will be adding at least a couple of days to the end of my tour to take in the sights of Hong Kong and a little Tiffin. Anyone interested in doing the same ?

Crear to go Walkabout 

Crocodile Crear is heading down under. Not content with a Rugby tour to the Hong Kong sevens, the big man is planning to head south for a few weeks to the land of OZ. Probably not a bad idea to get a bit of peace and quiet after the mayhem of Honkers and he will be able to get that old hunting jacket on again and head for the outback.

Vickers to get hitched

One of our regimental stalwarts has decided to sacrifice the life of a single man and has got himself engaged. Vickers now has someone to put up with his moaning on a full time basis but don’t expect this to change the old scrote. If he’s not insulting me or the gooks before we leave Hong Kong airport I’ll bite my knob.

Sent from Coventry 

Dangerous Dave Coventry pays his deposit and becomes the elder citizen of the tour, celebrating his half century in 2012. Dave has promised much but failed to deliver thus far over the years. He considered the World Cup in 1995 and the Lions Tour of 2009, but has now paid his deposit for Hong Kong and will finally join the boys on Tour. We now have eight confirmed travellers and one Hong Kong resident. Will Dave's Tag team partner pay up or is El Loco only bluffing.